November

It's been awhile since I've actually had any time to sit down at my computer, so I haven't been the best blogger. Thank you to everyone who wished Jon & me a happy anniversary. Our anniversary weekend was filled with emotion. We had a great day, but the end of it was filled with saddness because my friend's father passed away. I have known Emily & her family since I was 3, & we went to school & had almost all of the same classes from Pre-K through High School Graduation. As an adult I had the priviledge of working in the same operating room with her dad on several occasions. My dad (an OBGYN) & her dad (a pediatrician) have worked side by side since our family moved to Texarkana over 23 years ago, & our moms are friends. I wrote a blog post talking about Dr. Burns & his pizza making skills back in June you can read about it here http://bowiecountyhousewife.blogspot.com/2010/06/childhood-ambitions.html Dr. Burns was a Green Beret, and earned a Bronze Star & a Purple Heart for his service in the Vietnam War, but not many people even knew that side of him. I didn't even know it until 4 or 5 years ago, & I was completely astounded because he was always the kindest, most gentle, soft spoken man. Even in the midst of very stressful situations where I have seen many other doctors snap at nurses & lose their tempers, I never heard him raise his voice or talk down to anyone. Some people want their lives to really make waves, and they believe that in order to leave a lasting impression they have to draw a lot of attention to themselves. Dr. Burns never tried to draw any attention to himself, but had a quiet dependable presence that many came to rely on in ways that they didn't even realize until after he was gone. He tried to live his life in service to God and to others, and in turn has left a legacy that will not be forgotten.

Jon & I had just finished eating our dinner at one of the restaurants at the Gaylord Texan when my phone rang with the news that he had suddenly passed away with a heart attack. Somehow, sad things have a way of happening on days that are supposed to be happy. My best friend Jacqueline Poulos drowned in Galveston on Mother's day when we were very young. My cousin Catherine turned 25 & found out she was expecting her first child the same day our grandfather Papa passed away. Mine & Jon's 3rd anniversary was the last time we saw my grandmother MayMay before she passed way on Thanksgiving day, 3 days later. Right after I got the news about Dr. Burns I couldn't help but ask God, "Why do these things always seem to happen when it's supposed to be a happy day?" Over the past week I've come to understand. As a Christian God promises that in the midst of death, there is life. In the midst of sorrow, there is joy. Everything that happens in our life is meant to be used for His Glory & to reach out to others. Sometimes we aren't able to reach out to other people until we have actually been through our own valleys.

I am so unworthy of the Grace that has been given to me. There are so many ways that I fail God, myself, & others. I'm only human, and I have a lot of limitations. I fail at a lot of things, and if I allow myself to dwell on it, then I am the world's best at defeating myself. No one knows how to bring me down better than I do! I can find the flaws in other people's accusations against me, but if I decide to swing the hammer on myself, I will hit the "sweet spot" every single time. Everytime I do or say something wrong I immediately find fault with myself. I am awful when I try to tell a lie because as soon as it comes out anyone who knows me can catch the sudden look of conflict that I can't hide on my face. I am a very tender hearted person, and I make no apologies for my lack of a "poker face." Fortunately and unfortunately I have inherited a great deal of my personality from my grandfather Papa. I have watched that man experience every kind of emotion from happiness, to gratefulness, to fear, worry, anger, sadness, and laughter. He didn't try to hide his feelings, and he'd always say, "It is what It is!" I can't tell you how often I find myself saying the same thing. I've never been able to pretend I like something, when I don't. I've never been able to conceal my delight, enthusiasm, or excitement over things that I love. We are never more than a breath away from leaving this world, so we shouldn't try to hide our feelings from one another. When you love someone, don't just say it, SHOW IT! Try to show others the appreciation you have for them while you are able, because you never know how much they may need or appreciate your encouragement!

I will forever praise Him even when my heart is aching

The past few days have been very difficult for me, and I haven't really felt like doing anything, much less getting on the computer. Tonight the Lord has blessed me with a great peace, and I feel that I need to share this.

When I was 11 years old I made one of the best friends I will ever have. We had been to visit my cousins in Idabel, OK, and their cat had just had a litter of the cutest kittens you've ever seen. I remember peaking down into the wooden box in the barn and seeing all of these cute little fur balls huddled together, but there was this one little black and white one that was jumping around and trying to get out of the box. My other cousin Matthew called her Flyer, and he wanted her but his mother said they couldn't have a cat. I remember being happy about this because that little feisty thing had secretly won my heart, and I wanted her so bad. My sister was taken with a tiny shy little siamese that happened to be the runt, and Jordan wanted to call her Sophie. My mom said that we could have the siamese one, but we could only get one. Thankfully they weren't ready to be weaned yet, so I had time to secretly cook up a scheme with my aunt Frankie to end up with both of them. I would call her everyday, and ask her "Are the kitties ready, and remind her which ones we wanted and to make sure she kept it a secret." Finally the day came when Frankie came to deliver the kitties. I was so worried that she would only bring Sophie. When she opened the car door, and they were both there together my heart lept with joy. My mom was a little bit flabbergasted, but there was nothing she could do, and when she saw how happy we were to each have our own kitten she just laughed and said "What's one more!" Through the years we have shared so much love, and laughs. Little Flyer got herself into more trouble for sneaking open cabinet doors, and finding any sort of treat left on the kitchen cabinet to nibble on. Her all time favorite was Doritos original nacho flavor. I watched her one night open up the pantry cabinet, and crawl in to get some. Who needs mice when they've got Fly? She also loved it when we would fill the bathroom sink with water so she could splash water on the mirrors. She was so loving, and was never happier than when she was on my lap or curled up close beside me in bed. Our animals become our family. They love us so unconditionally, and without reserve. We never want to have to say goodbye, but at least I know I will see her again one day. The Lord knows our hearts, and He loves us. Yesterday I prayed that He would take her from my arms into His, and I know that she is no longer sick, and she is happy. I am still very very sad. The tears come from no where. I've heard it said that the Lord is closest to those who are grieving, and I have to say He is always close. Sometimes it is when we are suffering that we really try harder to hear Him than we usually do. I know that we all have trials and tribulations to face in our life, just call on Jesus because Faith will see you through anything this world can throw at us.

Tonight as I was driving home I heard this song by the Christian group Kutless, and I just want to share the words of the first verse.

Everybody falls sometimes

Gotta find the strength to rise

From the ashes and make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache

You think its more than you can take

But you are stronger, stronger than you know

Don't you give up now

The sun will soon be shining

You gotta face the clouds

To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do