Tests & Thankfulness

I've really been pondering the message our minister Gene Huntzinger shared with our church on Sunday.

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

If you are truly a follower of God, this is the #1 thing you've got to get to the root of in your life. *Give thanks in All circumstances.

It isn't always easy to be thankful in all circumstances, because to be honest some circumstances are rotten, they hurt, and they aren't fair. I don't know about you, but when things go wrong I have the ability to throw a pity party for myself that would rival the size of the Royal Wedding! So, this is one of those verses that I've read before, and thought hmmm.... well that's nice, but I'd never really pondered it, or applied it to my life.

So we're clear, God doesn't do us harm. Satan is the one you can thank for all that. God allows us to go through tests in our life, but it is always His plan to bring you prosperity, and to make you better than you were in the first place. So, we're supposed to give Him thanks in everything. Gene shared with us that last week was a really difficult week for him, his garage caught on fire & burned down, someone vandalized his yard, and then someone working on something else struck the main water line in the yard, and water shot twenty feet in the air, & flooded the yard. He said that he told his wife, that they needed to pray, and be thankful in these circumstances. Everything we have is already His, so if He wants them to continue to be able to live on that property, then He'll have to take care of these problems that have arisen or lead them to another solution. Sunday night, I put this revolutionary way of thinking into practice, because of course it just so happened that morning sickness decided to go from bad to hideously ugly. As I lay on my bathroom floor I prayed, "God I give you praise in this situation. This body belongs to You, and if You want me to be able to use it to work and serve You, then I must have some healing because You know I can't even function like this, but if I can better complete Your plan for me by continuing to go through this, then show me how to do it with a graceful spirit and grateful heart." I'm so thankful we live in this age of medicine where there is so much that can be done to help eliminate or minimize our suffering. Compared to how I was feeling, I'm a different person, but I know the reason I'm better is because God has a job for me to do that requires me being up and about. It's a lot easier to thank Him now for making me so much better, the other night it wasn't as easy, however after I did it I felt a great sense of inner peace and strength.

Right now I have several friends that are going through really bad marriage trouble, and some have even had to go through divorce. It breaks my heart so much for them. I would love to be able to give them some truly comforting, sound, Biblical advice that would make it more bearable. I don't want anyone to misunderstand, I don't want people to think I want them to say things like, "Thank you for my divorce." God didn't create divorce, but He will see you through the storms of doubt and depression that it brings to your mind. He is the one that can heal you, and give you an endless capacity to love. Thank Him for never wavering, and for never leaving your side even when everyone else has.

Whatever test you may be going through, Give thanks. It may not change the circumstance you are going through, but it will change the way you feel about it!

Growing Season??

Some of you who have been following my blog for a while might remember that I like to work in the yard, and I have a rose garden. If not, you can check this post to see some of my spring blooms http://bowiecountyhousewife.blogspot.com/2010/04/sping-is-in-bloom.html

Roses are arguably the prettiest-best smelling flowers you can have. They have been considered a symbol of love since ancient times. Every man knows that come Anniversary, Valentines, Birthday, & Mother's Day... You can't go wrong with roses. Over they past few years I've learned something else about them, a beautiful rose bush doesn't just happen, they require a lot of work (unless you get the Knockout roses with the little single layer of petals). In order to have the big beautiful jumbo roses, you have to spray them with soapy Dawn dish soapy water, give them regular water, mulch, fertilize, weed, prune, give them fungicide, stuff to kill the bugs, and to get rid of the dreaded black spots. I don't mind all of the work because it gives me a bit of fresh air, and when they bloom they are so stunning. (I took the pictures I've posted this evening)

Everyone knows that roses bloom during the spring, but most people aren't aware that if they are tended properly they will bloom again in the summer, and they will bloom for the final time in the fall. The fall blooms are often even better than the spring ones, because if your roses bloom in the fall it is because they have been well cared for, and are without disease. The cooler weather also preserves the blooms and makes them last longer, where the spring and summer will continue to get warmer which causes the petals to "sweat" and get limp and die faster. This evening I decided to trim off the spent blooms on my bushes so they will be able to bloom one more time before the first frost.

I have had a lot on my mind this evening, and felt that I just had to get outside to think and pray for a while. Our entire church family got an e-mail today letting us know that our minister is going to step aside for an undetermined length of time to deal with some personal issues. I know that God put our family in this church 2 years ago because He has had a plan for us to be really active and reach out in this group. It is a small church, where we all know each other, so when one person succeeds we all celebrate, and when one is hurting we all hurt along with them. I guess I got it from my dad, but I'm one of those people who just has to get outdoors when something is really troubling me. I know that God is everywhere, but sometimes I just feel His presence better when I am outside. As I was clipping off bits of disease, spots, and dead blooms I felt the Lord speaking to me. I felt like He was showing me that my life is like a rose bush, and in order for me to continue to grow He has to tend to me constantly. There are a lot of times when we feel like one thing after another is being "pruned" out of our life, but I was reminded that there is a reason. Just as I know that if I don't prune my rose bushes they will not make roses and the branches will eventually dry up and cause the whole plant to die; God has to take people and things in and out of my life in order for me to continue to grow. We thought we were getting to adopt a baby girl this summer, but the birth mother changed her mind shortly before she was born. My class that I teach at the college was cut the day before the first class this fall. My mom and I quit doing art at the college (I've been painting up there for 6 years) because of some ongoing negativity that wouldn't quit. Right now I'm feeling quite "pruned," but I'm ready to bloom again.

A Love Like No Other

Tonight we watched the movie Letters to Juliet. It was a really cute chick flick about how real love never ends. Everyone wants to find true love that ends happily ever after, but when we search for that in another person we will always find something lacking.

In November Jon and I will be married for 6 years, and I love him more now than I did on our wedding day. However, there are times when I let him down, and there are times when he disappoints me. There are times when even though he is only inches away from me, I feel alone. There are times when one of us is tired, and not in the mood to talk. There are times when we just don't understand each other. Sometimes we don't want to go to the same places or do the same things. This is something that we have to learn to accept, and work through. Even the best human love stories require a lot of upkeep. We set our hearts on finding someone that will love us so much that they literally can't get enough of us, but there is only One place you'll find that kind of devotion.

Jesus has left His spirit on this earth, and He is right there with each and every one of us all the time. He is with me everywhere I go, He knows me better than anyone else, and He still loves me. He's always there waiting for me to communicate with Him. It doesn't matter what time of the day or night it is, He's always there to listen to me, and give me encouragement, comfort, direction, peace, and wisdom. I know that there are a lot of skeptics and atheists out there, and the best explanation I can give is not my own words, but C.S. Lewis. Somehow he was able to articulate my own feelings and faith. "I believe in Christianity just as I believe the sun has risen (on a very cloudy day). Not because I can see it, but by it I see everything else." I can't actually see Jesus, but without Him I can't see beyond myself. To go through life, and never experience His love... well you've never really Lived. He has done more, and wants to continue to do more for each of us, than anyone ever could. I met Him as an 8 year old girl, and since that time He has been the one true constant in my life. He is my anchor. I have been hurt many times, and I've been through some dark places that no one else even knows about, but He has been there with me, and He has never stopped loving me.

On Monday our church began a new ladies Bible Study by Beth Moore called Stepping Up about the Psalms of Ascent (Psalms 120-134). Just so you know, I've spent my whole life going to church, and had no idea what the Psalms of Ascent were, and already I have learned so much. One of the challenges is to find some time everyday if you are physically able to get down physically on your face to pray. It doesn't have to be very long, and if you aren't physically able to get down, then lay your head down on a table. In Beth Moore's words, "In God's economy, the way Up is to get down." He wants to continuously take us to another level in our relationship with Him. No one in their right mind thinks, "Hey, I would just like for things to go down the tubes a bit, and I know things would be better, but I don't want that." If we aren't moving Up with Him then we are missing out.

A few nights ago I was feeling so sad. There are things that just haven't worked out the way I had hoped. There are relationships in my life that are negative, and no matter what I try they just don't seem to work out better. I miss my sister so much, and I'm still not used to her being so far away. Jon was sound asleep, and I felt like I was all alone with my troubles. Finally I realized it wasn't going to get any better as long as I was dwelling on these things. I spent over 30 minutes crying and praying on the bathroom floor (so I wouldn't wake Jon up & I had close access to the toilet paper to blow my nose). When I'd gotten it all out, I felt such peace. I felt God telling me that these things that were bothering me are only temporary, and He has great things beyond my greatest hopes in store for me. I had the best night's sleep in a long time after that.

According to the little blog counter I am averaging almost 200 views per post right now, and I don't even know who all of those could be. I feel like God has challenged me to open up about what He is doing with me. This is my life, I don't have it all figured out, but I know the One who has "plans to give me a great future and hope" Jeremiah 29:11.

What's going on

I'm back up at the college painting on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I can't tell you how awesome it is to actually have a place I can go paint, and not have to worry about having to get everything put away so we can eat at the dinner table. It's also great to see my old painting buddies. We all feed off of one another, and give each other ideas. I have so much stuff to paint, I don't know how I'll ever finish it all.
Over the past two months our Zipper cat has wormed his way into becoming a full time resident of our bed. Now that he is three years old he's calmed down, and has actually become a very good sleeping buddy. He just gets still, and most of the time we don't know he's in here.
I have been doing a devotional by Beth Moore called 90 days with Jesus the One and Only. It is so good, and has been right on target with the things that are going on in my life right now. I have really come to understand the scriptures in a different perspective from what I had as a child or a teenager. Stories I've read over and over through the years are so much more meaningful. It's true, God's Word is living, and it is always fresh.
Last night I read the story in Luke 2:42-50 of the time Mary and Joseph thought they had lost Jesus as a child, and when they found Him three days later He was in the Temple. Don't you know that as parents Mary and Joseph were panicked! This wasn't just a 20 minute separation in a shopping mall. We're talking about 3 whole days in the city of Jerusalem with tens of thousands of people coming in and out from surrounding villages to observe Passover. I'm sure they understood things the way we do now. The first 48 hours after a child goes missing is crucial, after that the chances of finding them alive go way down. Imagine their relief followed quickly by frustration, when they finally looked around the Temple, and found Him sitting amongst the teachers, listening, and making wise comments. At this point Mary and Joseph had probably given up hope of ever finding Him. He was only a 12 year old boy. He could have been taken and made into a slave, murdered, or any number of things. Like any other mother who had just lived her worst nightmare, Mary confronted Jesus basically saying, "How could You cause us such grief? We have looked everywhere for You?" His response was, "Why were you searching for me? Didn't you know that I must be in my Father's house?" The scripture goes on to say that Mary was confused, and didn't really comprehend what He meant, but it stayed in her heart, and she pondered it often. Even though she had taken part in the miracle of His birth, not even Mary was able to fully comprehend who her son was.
There are times when I pray, and The Lord doesn't always make sense to me. It's times like this that I have to have faith, and trust that He will show me His plan in time. It is such a blessing to go through something that makes "no sense" at the time, and to later be able to look back, and see God had a great plan all along.
I remember as an 18 year old girl, I was so ready to leave Texarkana, and go off to college at OU. Somehow, I came upon one road block after another. I had been accepted to every college I had applied to, but when it came down to getting a room and a schedule, nothing worked out right. Also my grandfather who had been living with us passed away, and me and my entire family were so grieved. Finally I decided to just stay here for a semester, then I would go. Of course, I was frustrated, and thought "All of my friends have gone off to school, and now this is the worst mistake of my life." I thought I'd leave at Christmas, but transferring between fall and spring and finding a place to live in Norman is next to impossible. So I ended up here that spring, and that is when I met Jon. I know now without a doubt in my mind that I was right where I was supposed to be.
I know quite a few people that have laughed, and looked down on me for staying here. It doesn't matter to me because I learned that you get as much out of your college education as you put into it, and it really doesn't matter what "brand" of stamp is on your diploma because the text books are the same almost everywhere you go. I learned as much or more here at Texarkana College and Texas A&M-Texarkana as I would have anywhere else. I scored in the top 5% on the LSAT, I'm saying that not to brag, but to make a point that it doesn't matter where you go to school, but what you learn while you're there that counts. God made me realized that law school wasn't the path for me (another story all together). I ended up getting my Masters degree through the University of Oklahoma in Interprofessional Health and Human Services (basically hospital administration). From there I have taught Administrative Procedures for the
Allied Health Continuing Education department at Texarkana College.
My life isn't anywhere near finished making twists and turns that I don't understand, but I want my life to be about Him, and so I will continue to trust Him because He sees the Big picture when all I can see is what's in my immediate surroundings. I don't think I'm perfect, or better than anyone else. I have really botched things up at times, and I still do. There are things I've said and done that I would give anything if I could take them back. I find myself having to apologize and ask forgiveness from God and other people all the time. The One thing that matters is that no matter what I have said, done, or thought He is always there to forgive me, and guide me if I just call upon Him.

September 1, 1982

28 years ago, a 14 year old girl whose name we don't even know did one of the hardest things a person could ever do. She gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, and gave him up for adoption. I know that where ever she is, and how ever her life may have changed since then, I'm certain that September 1st is a day that always stands out in her mind. If I could, I would love to tell her, Thank You for the choice you made, Mickey & Jan are great parents, and they raised him to be an amazing man. I couldn't ask for a better friend, and I'm so happy to call him my husband. He loves the Lord, and does so much to help others. So... since it's his birthday I thought I'd share a few pictures of the love of my life through the years....

This is the first picture in Jon's baby book. It all started with a phone call September 14th (the phone booth Mickey was at when Jan gave him the news... "We've got a boy!")

September 15 At Edna Gladney in Fort Worth, the nurse brought out Jon & gave him to Mickey. This is the 1st picture of Little Jon! What an awesome moment, we all get teary eyed everytime we hear the story.

Love at first sight! You can tell Jan can't wait to get to hold him for the first time!

Jon & his little brother David doing their daily wait for Dad he's on his way home.

The Boys

A robot & a dinosaur for halloween

Little bitty Football Player!

Jon & his first ride... The Amigo!High School Graduation

Our Wedding Day

Jon being "Michael Corleone" on our 1st Anniversary

At Amy & Brian's Wedding

Jon's College Graduation - Cum Laude Honor Grad

At the Peabody in Memphis when we went to a friend's wedding.

Mom & Jon in London

Giving our friend a boost so she could sit down in Paris

Jon in Pisa
Jon on the Isle of Capri, in Italy

I will forever praise Him even when my heart is aching

The past few days have been very difficult for me, and I haven't really felt like doing anything, much less getting on the computer. Tonight the Lord has blessed me with a great peace, and I feel that I need to share this.

When I was 11 years old I made one of the best friends I will ever have. We had been to visit my cousins in Idabel, OK, and their cat had just had a litter of the cutest kittens you've ever seen. I remember peaking down into the wooden box in the barn and seeing all of these cute little fur balls huddled together, but there was this one little black and white one that was jumping around and trying to get out of the box. My other cousin Matthew called her Flyer, and he wanted her but his mother said they couldn't have a cat. I remember being happy about this because that little feisty thing had secretly won my heart, and I wanted her so bad. My sister was taken with a tiny shy little siamese that happened to be the runt, and Jordan wanted to call her Sophie. My mom said that we could have the siamese one, but we could only get one. Thankfully they weren't ready to be weaned yet, so I had time to secretly cook up a scheme with my aunt Frankie to end up with both of them. I would call her everyday, and ask her "Are the kitties ready, and remind her which ones we wanted and to make sure she kept it a secret." Finally the day came when Frankie came to deliver the kitties. I was so worried that she would only bring Sophie. When she opened the car door, and they were both there together my heart lept with joy. My mom was a little bit flabbergasted, but there was nothing she could do, and when she saw how happy we were to each have our own kitten she just laughed and said "What's one more!" Through the years we have shared so much love, and laughs. Little Flyer got herself into more trouble for sneaking open cabinet doors, and finding any sort of treat left on the kitchen cabinet to nibble on. Her all time favorite was Doritos original nacho flavor. I watched her one night open up the pantry cabinet, and crawl in to get some. Who needs mice when they've got Fly? She also loved it when we would fill the bathroom sink with water so she could splash water on the mirrors. She was so loving, and was never happier than when she was on my lap or curled up close beside me in bed. Our animals become our family. They love us so unconditionally, and without reserve. We never want to have to say goodbye, but at least I know I will see her again one day. The Lord knows our hearts, and He loves us. Yesterday I prayed that He would take her from my arms into His, and I know that she is no longer sick, and she is happy. I am still very very sad. The tears come from no where. I've heard it said that the Lord is closest to those who are grieving, and I have to say He is always close. Sometimes it is when we are suffering that we really try harder to hear Him than we usually do. I know that we all have trials and tribulations to face in our life, just call on Jesus because Faith will see you through anything this world can throw at us.

Tonight as I was driving home I heard this song by the Christian group Kutless, and I just want to share the words of the first verse.

Everybody falls sometimes

Gotta find the strength to rise

From the ashes and make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache

You think its more than you can take

But you are stronger, stronger than you know

Don't you give up now

The sun will soon be shining

You gotta face the clouds

To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

Even when the sky is falling

And I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

That's what faith can do